I can’t help but think of you and your sons, occasionally Andrew. I see Brave everywhere, the other day it made me wonder at his life. The impact he has in Heaven and on Earth because of the brief life in your belly. His name is everywhere: followers/non-followers, the sacred/secular, you name it. He’s everywhere.
I think of the impact of love you gave to so many over the years. How Yeshua has weaved that love to undergird you through prayers, tears, laughter, listening, yelling, crying, wailing, dreaming, hoping, surrendering, confusion and fog.
I have this picture of when you baptized me in Rudder fountain. Some days I look at it and think, God, You knew. You knew what she would walk through, cry through, hate through, hang-on through. You knew how the brokenness of it all would touch and scar her. I think I don’t understand, but You’re there comforting her through it all. Sitting with her through it all. Gentle with her in her pain, in her suffering that can never be fixed this side of Your return. I think of how He’s not mad at you that you’re mad at Him or have been, that He holds you while you’re pounding your fists at Him - waiting, comforting, holding, not expecting, not needing but giving.
Then I start to see Wilder’s name. Wild, a book about overcoming so much pain. Other places I can’t remember. I wonder at it all, the power of your family. The power of making it to the next day, the next hour, the next minute when all seems lost. One foot in front of the other, with trust that is other worldly, that has to be wild to make it. I think of the gift Wilder is, his presence, his life, his hope, his dreams, his purpose. How special you and your family are.